I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
