just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
