you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
