Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
