I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
