Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
