Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
