Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
