All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
