I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
why do cheetos always look like penises
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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