stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize