i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
