we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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