Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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