Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
