Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I need to sanitize my soul.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
