I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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