dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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