I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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