Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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