oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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