One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
