TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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