Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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