Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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