yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
