Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
