Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
