Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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