oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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