party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
