she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize