sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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