he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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