You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
