no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
