Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
