ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
