She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
