it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
