I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Randomize
