I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
