Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
