I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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