I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
