There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
