well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
