Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
