i would punch a child for taco bell
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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