i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i dont even know how to be here
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
