you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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