So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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