the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
the condom got lost in my hair
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
