discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
