I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
