Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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