I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
