I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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