Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
