I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
