Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize