it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
