i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Im part way to drunk.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
