kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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