we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
