he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
