So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
