id be glad to
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
