I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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