i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
