Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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