epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
