I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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