my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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