Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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