you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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