So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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