I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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