Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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