oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
No...this little piggys going to the bar
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
