YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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