You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
