I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
