i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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