mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
