turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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