Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize