Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
