All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
