Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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