You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
