you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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