shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
