Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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