do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
