Betty ford says i'm here all night
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
