hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
