I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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