paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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