If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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