I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
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